


So Testosterone Boys and Harlequin Girls (Dance To This Beat)

by StarsAlignedinMisery (ADayDreamingDream)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cat Burglars, Claustrophobia, M/M, Teenagers, White Collar Crime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-11-12 12:58:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18011345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADayDreamingDream/pseuds/StarsAlignedinMisery
Summary: In the October of 1989, Sir Reginald Hargreeves adopts five extraordinary children with plans for superheroes.In the November of 2006 the Siamese Twins make their way to New York.They are not actually twins. They aren’t even related.They are the best cat burglars to ever hit a museum.AKA: the story where two of the seven were never adopted, ended up on the wrong side of the law and how one of them fell in love





	1. Just to get me through the night till we're twins again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [werelocked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/werelocked/gifts).



> Hey guys. Once again I bring you something in the fandom super fast. I actually wrote a version of this story this morning but I rewrote it this afternoon because it just seemed to choppy and I was having trouble flushing out the details. So instead of several scenes with multiple povs you get a massive scene with Klaus being a little shit in interrogation.

Klaus glanced over to the other side of the art gallery where Vanya was carefully rolling up a couple of Van Gogh masterpieces. The Met was high end security, more so than most of their normal hits but their boss wanted to send a message.

“Almost ready, sister dear?” Klaus asked as he levitated the fake paintings into place. Hopefully it would take them a couple of days to figure out what had actually been stolen. That was always fun because Klaus was quite proud of his forgeries and sometimes, sometimes they missed one or two which caused Klaus to fall into fits of giggles. Vanya nodded and they picked up their prizes. 

“Freeze, shitheads!” A voice behind them shouted and Klaus turned to see a masked kid standing there. He was short, wearing an all-black leather ensemble that would have screamed ‘bad boy’ if the kid didn’t seem to have the prep school vibe.  Dave, Klaus’ constant ghostly companion chuckled.

“Who’s he calling shitheads?” Dave said and Klaus giggled.

“Shitheads? Where?” Klaus taunted with a grin, looking around mockingly. He’d hoped that they would run into their fellow freaks sooner rather than later. The Umbrella Academy was famous even if they didn’t usually do anything in Europe, it was part of the reason the Curator had moved them to America. 

“You, smartass.” The kid said, crossing his arms across his chest. He really was acting like a kid even though he was probably the same age as Klaus. Klaus felt his grin widen at the line, he loved it when people called him a smartass, which happened all the time.

“Better than being a dumbass, right?” Klaus said conspiratorially with Dave, who all out laughed.

“Five!” Another guy showed up, this one looking his age and definitely more vicious with knives strapped across his chest. He was hot too, stubble running along a strong jaw, muscles that could have been chiseled out of marble, a scowl that promised he would be rough. It was like God had gone down Klaus’ boner checklist and made a person from it. Vanya nudged him when she caught him eyeing the vigilante, reminding him that it was fine to look but that they had to get going.

“Well, you boys are out past your bedtime, but then again, so are we. We’ll promise not to tell if you don’t, and we can all go home happy.” Klaus quipped and the second guy smirked.

“You’ve got a smart mouth, but you’re not going anywhere.” He said, and Klaus grinned. He tapped out a rhythm on the wall next to him, something that would normally be so innocent but his sister would be able to use the sound waves if necessary. Neither of them liked to fight, they were cat burglars, not robbers. They had more class than to fight when they could run. And blood was so hard to get out of clothes anyways.

“So, this is going to be a game of cat and mouse, huh? I like it.” He said before spinning and darting into the room to his left. He knew Vanya would go right. They talked about every move they would make before a heist, always trying to be an exact mirror of what the other to keep the image of them being Siamese twins alive. When she went down, he went up; when he went left, she went right until their opponent expected them to continue the pattern and that was when they would fall into sync. They weren’t called the Siamese twins because they looked like each other. They were the Siamese twins because it was like fighting two people with one brain. Klaus giggled when he caught sight of the hot vigilante following him. 

“Keep up!” He called over his shoulder as he vaulted over the edge of the stairs and used his telekinesis to soften his landing so he didn’t roll an ankle. There was nothing worse than hobbling for a week after a heist because he landed wrong on a jump.

“Fuck.” He heard behind him but he was more interested in the movement of the mountain he caught barreling at him from the Egyptian wing. Klaus ducked under a meaty arm.

“Woah, you’re big! See ya!” He called over his shoulder as he shot through the same wing the massive brute had exited and headed towards the doors. Vanya vaulted down from the second floor into the atrium, using a wave of energy to soften her landing.

“What happened to exiting through Greece?” Klaus asked as they shot through the front doors toward the pair of motorcycles that were parked on the street. 

“One word, calamari.” Vanya said out of breath. Klaus cringed, everyone in the world knew about the Umbrella Academy member that had a couple of tentacle monsters living inside him. Neither of them ever wanted to tangle with Number Four because those things were fucking disturbing. They clamored onto their respective bikes and took off in two different directions.

Since Klaus didn’t have any of the actual stolen paintings, he idled around the Met long enough for the Umbrella Academy to catch sight of him before taking off. Klaus loved the feeling he got when he flew through the streets on his Suzuki SV650X, a sleek looking beast in a flashy red. Vanya had the same bike but in black.

He’d expected them to give chase, not for them to actually have a car that could keep up. It was a hot thing too, a convertible Porsche that was no doubt tricked out with the top down, the sexy knife wielder behind the wheel and the mountain man in the passenger’s seat. There was a girl in the back, dark skinned and blonde hair that looked like she was going to be sick as they chased Klaus through the streets of Manhattan. 

Klaus swerved between cars, dodged up alleys and did everything he could to shake the Porsche from his tail but it ended with him being cut off and eventually arrested.  Klaus flinched when they shut the door to the interrogation room. He hated being in these sorts of places, reminding him far too much of the solitary cells that he’d often found himself in as a child. The psychiatric facility that had housed him for most of his childhood had never known what to do with him since he had always been unstable. 

“We’re going to be alright.” Dave murmured, pacing in front of the one-way glass and glaring at the walls. Dave didn’t like to be locked up either, but that had more to do with how he had come across Klaus. Shivering in a ball in the corner of a cell with other ghosts tearing into his skin. Dave had saved Klaus from his own powers before Klaus had even known how to control them. 

“I’m exhausted.” Klaus murmured, stretching and yawning. It had been a long week planning for the heist, their boss and patron had wanted them to have every possible outcome mapped out. They had planned for this, Klaus reminded himself, this was a planned outcome and he just had to wait it out. The most they could charge him with was reckless driving, since he had been carrying several of his own paintings instead of anything stolen and the cameras at the museum would be running loops for another couple of hours so there was no actual proof that he had been there. 

“You’re lost in your head, sunshine.” Dave said and Klaus gave him a weak smile.

“Sorry. Just trying to figure out things. I hope they don’t hurt my paintings, I worked so hard on them, I really don’t want to explain to the prof that the cops destroyed them.” Klaus said with a soft shrug. No doubt someone was watching, someone was always watching in police stations. They would be listening to him chatter with himself and wonder if he was crazy. He was but only slightly, Vanya called him an adrenaline junkie because he used the highs of the heists to keep himself sane. The door of the room opened and a woman entered with the hot vigilante.

“Can I get these off?” He asked, holding up his still cuffed hands. The woman snorted and sat down, the other teen took a position behind her, crossing his arms across his chest to look menacing. It would have worked if Klaus hadn’t had an attraction to the sort of things that could kill him. Dave stepped in front of the guy and leaned in real close. The guy shivered, an automatic reaction to a ghost being that close. Klaus grinned and Dave circled around the room to stand behind him.

“Where are the paintings?” The woman asked, and Klaus blinked.

“What paintings? The only ones I have are the ones you took. They’re for my thesis so I’m going to need them not to be damaged, I really don’t have time to do them over.” Klaus said, and the woman raised her eyebrow.

“That’s the game you’re going to play? Interesting. Tell me about your sister. What did you two do with the paintings you stole from Antoni Castillo?” She said sliding a grainy photo of him and Vanya from one of their last heists in Morocco. It was far too grainy to really see his facial features but Klaus recognized the room that they were in to be the stupid rich guy’s gallery. Klaus picked the photo up and inspected it. 

“Well, I can see how you think this is me, he is quite handsome, but I don’t have a sister and I’ve only ever been to South America once, like three years ago for a Spanish trip. We went to Chile and it was a blast.” Klaus said laying the picture down and sliding it back to the woman. She nodded sagely like she believed him.

“What about Europe, ever been there?” She asked and he whistled.

“Nah, I want to, been saving up for a trip to France to see the Mona Lisa in person but that is a lot of cash and school comes first.” He said with a grin. The teen shifted and Klaus glanced at him.

“You some sort of detective in training? I didn’t think they let kids be part of interrogations. At least they don’t on television.” Klaus said, cocking his head in false confusion.

“I’m from the Umbrella Academy.” The guy said gruffly. Klaus gaped like this was news to him.

“Really? Which one are you? I don’t follow the tabloids much so I don’t know much more than the basics. Can you make tentacles? I think that was Number Three or Four and I always wondered if them coming out was painful, you know.” Klaus rambled. The teen raised an eyebrow.

“I’m Two.” He said shortly. Klaus nodded his head slowly, pretending to think over that fact.

“What’s your power again? I never could figure out how you were special.” He said and he could see the proverbial steam coming out of the guy’s ears. Klaus turned his attention to the detective.

“I’d like my phone call now.” He said smugly. She sighed, knowing he was catching on to the fact he was a few steps ahead of her and she was going to lose him.

“Make it count.” She said leading him out of the room over to the phone. He dialed the number to the office.

“Eddie’s pizza, how may I help you?” The voice on the other end answered. Klaus sighed and glanced over to where Two was watching him.

“Hey man, I need a large, two topping pizza delivered to the 173 rd precinct. Toppings of sausage and bell peppers. Hold the garlic, I’m allergic.” He said, keeping eye contact with the vigilante. 

“Alright, it’ll be about fifteen minutes. Cash or card.” Eddie said, and Klaus laughed.

“Put it on my tab.” He said before hanging up. The code was something the Curator came up with when they had started to get arrested because no one usually questioned a kid or teen ordering a pizza because that was the stupid sort of thing a kid would do. Two topping pizza meant he was being questioned for previous crimes outside the country, sausage meant that he was okay but close to having a meltdown, bell peppers meant that they were questioning his cover. The garlic comment was for Vanya saying that he was okay. An officer led him back to the interrogation room and Klaus grinned at Dave who was shaking his head.

“What, I’m starved.” He said cheerfully. He wandered around the room, whistling Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to himself until the door opened again and Two and the big bruiser entered.

“How can I help you?” He asked. Two stepped back as the bruiser stepped forward and Klaus shrank back nervously.

“Where are the paintings?” The bruiser asked and Klaus slid sideways out of the guy’s reach.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” He said, eyes flashing over to Two. His nerves were starting to make the walls push in on him. The bruiser took another step towards him, his hands in fists and Klaus reacted. His fists glowed blue and suddenly Dave was between him and the bruiser.

“Back down, punk.” Dave snarled cracking his knuckles. The guy took a step back in shock and Klaus sunk to the floor, the world around him shrinking and growing as he struggled to get air. Dave was crouched before him, once again invisible. 

“Breath sunshine. Breathe or you’re going to pass out.” Dave said softly. He was flickering in and out of reality, his form shifting from solid to see through. 

“I can’t.” Klaus gasped. Dave glanced at the two by the door who was watching the proceedings in a mixture of shock and interest.

“How long till the pizza gets here? Think about how good it’s going to taste. Can you describe how it’s going to taste?” Dave asked. Klaus took a shuddering breath.

“It’s from Eddie’s so the crust will be thick.” Klaus said. 

“That’s right, keep going.” Dave encouraged. Klaus took another breath.

“They use a really tomato-y sauce but don’t put any garlic in it. It’s good cause I’m allergic.” He said and Dave nodded. He was starting to calm, gaining control over the manifestations. He closed his eyes and imagined what the pizza would taste like.

“I’ve never had a better pizza. The cheese is the best part. They put so much on it drips off the slices.” Klaus murmured. Dave leaned back.

“There you go. Try not to lose control again, alright?” Dave said and Klaus nodded. The detective stepped into the room.

“Your guardian’s here.” She said and Klaus stood. She removed his handcuffs and led him out of the room towards Mr. Hazier who had a box of pizza in his hands.

“Figured you’d be hungry.” The Iraqi man said. Klaus nodded and took the box, sliding into a chair as his ‘guardian’ talked to the detective. The pizza was like he had described and he knew that Two and the bruiser were watching him slowly eat. 

“Come on Klaus, time to go.” Mr. Hazier said when Klaus was halfway through the pizza. Klaus nodded and passed the rest of the pizza to the detective.

“For Two.” He said simply before following Mr. Hazier out of the building. He waited until they were two blocks away to speak.

“How much trouble am I in?” He asked and the Iraqi shook his head.

“None. You did as we expected. Vanya made a clean get away with the goods and the Curator is pleased.” The man said opening a door to a taxi that was waiting. Klaus slid into it.

“Thanks, man.” He said and Mr. Hazier shut the door and rapped his knuckles. The taxi pulled away from the curb and Klaus let himself relax. He wanted to sleep for a week.


	2. It hurts until it stops, we will love until it’s not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many of you are probably thinking 'wait, I thought this story had three chapters' and I'm here to tell you that I've rewritten this story after loosing sight of where I was going and writing myself into a corner. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Diego stared at the photo of Klaus Morningstar like it held the secrets of the universe. It had been two weeks since the break in at the Met, two weeks since the guy had popped up on the radar of Reginald Hargreeves and two weeks since the guy had all but vanished again. Klaus had intrigued Diego in a whole different way, cockily taunting them one moment then going into a panic attack the next. He was a walking contradiction, a puzzle that Diego felt drawn to without the ability to pull away. 

He had never found someone who made him feel the way the cat burglar had, like he wanted to strangle him until he was pliant and then kiss him until he woke back up before starting the cycle over. He’d kept an eye on the case, which had fallen through. Even the charges of reckless endangerment had been dropped. Diego knew it wasn’t the work of Klaus which meant there was someone pulling the other teen’s strings. A puppet master who pointed at a target and the twins took it down. Much like the Umbrella Academy.

Diego’s phone chirped and he absentmindedly picked it up to see which of his siblings wanted him. 

**From [(555)-173-8091] (11:34am): Hey Two, miss me yet?**

The text confused Diego because who the fuck was texting him. Another text came in while he was staring at the first.

**From [(555)-173-8091] (11:34am): Don’t tell me you forgot me already. We had such a great time with the lady cop.**

Diego frowned. How had Klaus found his number, he had always been careful not to let it get leaked after Ben’s was and some girl had started tracking and stalking him through it. Quickly Diego added the number as a contact.

**To [Van Gogh] (11:35am): How did you get this number?**

There was a long pause before he got a reply.

**From [Van Gogh] (11:42am): I have my ways ;}**

**From [Van Gogh] (11:42am): Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone**

Diego sighed. He wanted to trust the other but then again, the guy was a thief. He put his phone on his nightstand and ignored it when it buzzed again. Ben slid into his room and Diego set the photo aside, Shoving the entire file off his bed so his brother could sit beside him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Ben flopped down on the bed beside him.

“Dad’s gone all obsessive over the ghost guy. Trying to dig into everything about the kid.” Ben said and Diego snorted. It was just like their dad to get obsessive over something he would later see as only a tool. He rolled so he was facing Ben who was still laying on his back staring at the ceiling. He was much closer to Ben than any of his other siblings, Five joked that it was because they were both even numbers and that they held a special bond with each other. Diego often wondered if Five was jealous but Five was so prickly on a good day he dared not ask.

“Do you think they could have been our siblings?” Ben asked, shifting so they were face to face. Diego shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter now. They are criminals.” Diego said, and Ben sighed.

“I know, but Dad seems to think that he can get them, make them apart of the Academy.” He said. Diego pulled his brother into a hug. 

Despite the fact that they’d been born at the same time, Ben always seemed to be a younger brother to Diego. Luther always had the vibe of being the eldest with his inability to do anything that would displease their father. Diego had always been the one to look out for his siblings, he felt like it was his job as number two. Allison had always been the odd one out being the only girl, she had ended up being an odd mixture of a tom boy and a girly girl. Not really fitting into either category with her lip gloss and combat boots. Ben was definitely the baby of the group and they tried to keep him that way, smothering him with love and affection. Five was the grumpy middle child, trying so hard to prove himself only to be ignored in the end. 

Diego tried hard to keep everyone from killing each other and from getting in trouble with their father, often taking the blame for things the others did in order to keep everyone in one piece. He was strong enough to take the punishment. Even Luther admitted that he was probably the glue that held the team together.

“I doubt they would like that. Their lives seem so carefree.” Diego said finally. It was true, the Siamese twins seemed to operate with a large sense of autonomy. Father was a micromanager, having each detail of an operation gone over with a fine-tooth comb, each detail that didn’t go to plan was beaten down so that it would go as dictated the next time. Diego knew the Siamese twins would balk at that sort of rigidness.  Ben exhaled slowly.

“Hey. Wanna go out?” Diego asked and Ben smiled. 

“Sure.” He said pushing himself to his feet. Diego grabbed his jacket and begrudgingly grabbed his phone. He tucked the item into his pocket and headed to the foyer where Ben was waiting. They walked down the street slowly, enjoying the cooling air.

“It’s going to snow soon.” Ben said offhandedly. Diego grinned.

“I hope it does. No outdoor training sounds superb right now.” Diego said and Ben gave Diego a little shove. Diego gave one back and Ben laughed.

“Do you think that we’ve seen the last of them?” Ben asked, changing the topic suddenly and Diego knew he meant Klaus and his sister. 

“I hope so. That kid was fucking weird.” Diego said shoving his hands into his pockets. Ben nodded.

“The girl freaked me out. Her eyes were white like they had been bleached. I felt like she was staring into my soul.” Ben admitted. It explained why he lost control in the Middle Eastern and Asian wing of the Met that night and why Five had nearly been impaled on a tentacle when he was trying to calm Ben down. 

They headed into a park, since it was lunchtime on a Monday there wasn’t many people there and the playground on the other side was all but deserted. There were two people on the swings, a guy and a girl and at first glance they didn't look much older than Diego and Ben.

“Is that…” Ben said trailing off as they got closer. Diego took a good look at the curly mop of hair before swearing.

“Hey!” He shouted and the two people turned to reveal that they were indeed the Siamese twins. Klaus gave a little wave before turning back around and seeming to go back to his contemplation. Diego strode up and gave him a push, sending him toppling off the swing.

“What the hell man?” Klaus groaned from the ground. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Diego snarled and the girl rose to her feet as if she wasn’t sure what to do. Klaus sighed.

“We were told to get out of the house because potential buyers were coming. Apparently, we freaks are off-putting when it comes to selling the shit we lift.” Klaus said in a huff. 

“Klaus, don’t say it like that. People just don’t like to be reminded that the shit they’re buying is stolen.” The girl said softly. Klaus snorted.

“Nah, I asked the Curator once. He said people didn’t want to see us because I can’t control my motor mouth and your eyes are unnerving.” Klaus said and the girl rolled said eyes.

“My eyes  _ are _ unnerving. Side effect of losing control.” She said before turning to Diego and Ben and giving them a soft smile.

“Hi, we haven’t been introduced, I’m Vanya.” She said holding out her hand to shake. Diego stared at her dumbfounded. Ben took the hand and gave it a quick shake.

“I’m Ben, this is Diego.” He said and Klaus laughed.

“Hah, pay up bitch! Told you they had human names.” Klaus said and Vanya pulled a plain leather wallet out of her back pocket and slapped a fifty-dollar bill into Klaus’ waiting hand. 

“Next time I’m going to get you. Wait and see.” She grumbled but there was no heat there. Klaus tucked the bill into his sock and flopped back onto the ground. Vanya sat down beside him.

“Wait, I’m lost.” Diego said. 

“We don’t hold grudges for those who interfere with our work when we’re in our civilian personas. You could break my arm one night trying to stop me and the next day we’d still meet you for coffee.” Klaus said flippantly. Diego sat down in the swing that he had vacated.

“What Klaus is trying to say is that we keep our work and our personal lives separate. Otherwise we’d only have people we work with as friends and…they aren’t the best.” Vanya said. 

“Wait, you want to be friends. With us?” Ben said and Vanya shrugged. 

“Possibly. It’s rare that we run into another from the forty-three. The Curator believes that there are very few of us still alive.” Vanya said. Klaus snorted.

“Most were killed for being freaks by others or killed themselves for being freaks.” He said before snapping his head to the side and glaring at thin air.

“I’m not using it in a bad way. You say faggot all the time but you don’t mean that in a bad way it’s just a description.” He said to someone who wasn’t there. Diego blinked, Ben looked confused, but Vanya just rolled her eyes again.

“Who are you talking to?” Ben asked and Klaus sighed.

“A ghost. It’s my superpower. I talk to dead people and sometimes can make them real for periods of time. Most the time it’s just annoying because Dave is the conscience that we don’t have the luxury of having. He hates what we do but still won’t abandon me.” He said waving his hand absentmindedly. 

“Can you do anything else?” Diego asked curious and Klaus snorted.

“Maybe but you don’t need to know that.” He said and Diego grinned. If this was what having a friend was like he wouldn’t mind hanging out with the twins.

 

Klaus rolled out of the bed and glared at the large windows in his room. The only furniture in the entire room was the king-sized bed, a large table, an easel, and a clothes rack that he hung most his clothes on. He stumbled to his feet and checked his watch. 

“Nine in the fucking morning.” He grumbled reaching down to grab his phone. There were three missed texts from Diego.

**From [Hawt Danger] (8:12am): WTF? How did you get the fucking Hope Diamond without setting off any alarms?**

**From [Hawt Danger] (8:29am): Seriously, we’ve been stuck in a meeting about this since 6am**

**From [Hawt Danger] (8:43am): You’d better make it to lunch today or I’ll kick your ass**

Klaus grinned at the texts and checked his bank account to see if the Met heist money had come in yet to his offshore account in Singapore. He had quite a bit saved in his usual accounts, more hidden as cash in several safety deposit boxes across the city. There were also passports, IDs and social security cards for a whole different person in each box. They were the escape plan if things started to go south: get to one of the boxes, get out of the country, and regroup with someone from the network. Start over if need be. 

**To [Hawt Danger] (9:09am): That deli down the street from the central park zoo, right?**

He tossed the phone onto his bed and padded over to the table where there were several bearer bonds drying. He smiled down at his work and slipped into the in-suite bathroom for a long shower. Dressing in a pair of tight jeans and a loose raspberry colored long sleeve shirt that had thick dark purple stripes horizontally across it. He grabbed his phone and left the room. Vanya was reading on the sole L shaped couch in the common area. The couch and a low coffee table were the only real furniture in the room, the rest was all boards for planning heists. The diamond that Diego was griping about sat in a glass case on the coffee table and Klaus resisted the urge to take a picture and send it to Diego.

“Guten Morgen.” Klaus said cheerfully. Vanya didn’t look up from her book, simply waved at him absentmindedly. Klaus popped a French vanilla flavored k-cup into the Keurig and set it to run. 

“Have you heard from Diego about lunch?” Vanya asked when he slid onto the couch beside her. 

“We’re still on. He’s probably going to want to know how we stole the diamond.” Klaus said and Vanya scoffed.

“Like that’s going to happen. We don’t discuss work on our outings.” She said and Klaus grinned into his coffee. It was almost Christmas, a holiday that neither the twins nor the Academy celebrated, but Klaus had bought Diego a new leather jacket anyways. He had told himself it was just because he noticed the one Diego wore had acquired several new rips and he was just looking out for a friend. In truth it was more because he wanted Diego’s affection. His phone buzzed and he grinned when he pulled it out of his pocket.

**From [Hawt Danger] (10:27am): Yeah, meet at 1?**

**To [Hawt Danger] (10:28am): Sounds good :}**

Klaus tucked his phone back into his pocket and stretched out. 

“I need to go shopping.” Klaus commented and Vanya snorted.

“You don’t need more clothes.” She said and he shook his head.

“Nah, wasn’t thinking clothes though that’s a great idea. I was actually thinking about getting a laptop.” He said and Vanya looked up.

“Like, for personal use?” She asked and he nodded. She closed her book and motioned for him to continue.

“I want to do some non-work reading and I don’t want the Curator to be able to monitor where I go.” Klaus said shrugging. 

“You want to do non-work-related reading? My brother who barely does the work-related reading?” Vanya pushed and Klaus squirmed. 

“I want to do more research on the Umbrella Academy without raising alarms.” Klaus finally said and Vanya sat back in her seat, smugly.

“You want to look up your  _ boyfriend _ ?” She asked, her voice radiating smug energy. Klaus shook his head.

“I want to look up Number One, Diego made a comment about him that colored me curious and I want to do some research before I move forward.” Klaus said. Vanya nodded sagely.

“About their sole sister Allison?” She asked and he nodded. She slid off the couch and set the book on the small coffee table.

“Alright, I’ll go grab my shoes. If we’re going shopping, we might as well get some other stuff and not just a computer.” She said heading towards her room. Klaus drained his coffee and headed to put his boots on. 


	3. We're swimming with the sharks until we drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying really hard to keep this story light as the rest of my stories start to get much darker. That being said, this story might eventually darken. 
> 
> Also, I have no idea about the legal drinking age in Germany. Please do not take offence.

Diego slid into the large round corner booth of Jason’s Deli where Klaus and Vanya were sitting with their heads pressed together and a laptop in front of them. Ben slid in after him

“Hey.” Klaus said absentmindedly, clicking something on the computer

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Vanya commented. Diego glanced at Ben who shrugged. He peered around the computer to see Klaus playing an advanced version of solitaire. He lost two seconds later and shut the laptop

“Sorry, got bored.” Klaus said sliding it into a case.  He passed Diego a plastic shopping bag from a high end shop near central park

“Here, saw this at the store and figured you needed a new one anyways.” Klaus said. Diego peered into the bag and saw a nice leather jacket. It must have cost the teen a good chunk of money and Diego immediately pushed it back

“I can’t take this.” He said. A strange look that Diego couldn't discern flashed across Klaus’ face but he took the bag back with a shrug and slid it onto the seat with several other bags. It looked like the twins had done some shopping.

“I can’t believe we have to go to that stupid gala later this week.” Ben bemoaned, changing the subject and easing away the tension that had gathered between them. Klaus nodded

“We’ve got a function we have to go to as well, a gala too in fact. Some potential customer wants to talk to us about a piece we stole but didn’t want to have a weird private meeting.” Vanya said and they looked at each other.

“Eveline Wang’s Christmas Gala, you?” Diego sighed when it became clear they were all expecting someone else to state where they were being dragged to. Klaus whooped earning a glare from several other patrons

“Same.” Vanya said burying her face into her hands. Diego agreed with the sentiment, this was a nightmare.

“This is going to be a nightmare. We’re going to be expected to socialize because we’re all the same age.” Diego said and Klaus grinned.

“It’ll be fine sweetheart. I think this will be a lovely experience.” He said imitating a posh lady’s accent in a fake falsetto voice and Diego’s chest did a flip flop at the nickname. Ben cracked up at the impression and Vanya lightly smacked Klaus’ chest with the back of her hand.

“I’m hungry and neither of you have explained why you stole the Hope Diamond over the weekend.” Ben said and Klaus nudged Vanya. She groaned and handed over a fifty-dollar bill. Diego had already learned that they always bet fifty dollars no matter what the bet was on.

“Betting against the king.” Klaus crowed smirking. Diego rolled his eyes as he, Ben, and Vanya slid out of the booth

“Alfredo for you, right?” Vanya said and Klaus nodded. When they returned to the table Klaus was texting someone on the phone, his tongue poking out between lush lips. He looked up and tucked the phone away which made Diego realize it wasn’t the phone he usually saw.

“Alright so tell us about the diamond, please.” Diego said and Klaus sighed, a grin forming on his lips

“It’ll be returned before the gala. It was mostly just a test, something like that would be nearly impossible to fence anyways.” Klaus said. Diego raised an eyebrow.

“A test for what?” Ben asked and Vanya sighed.

“One of our new customers didn’t believe that we were as good as we say we are. We’re accredited for a lot of the stuff we steal but most of it has no actual proof so he said we were inflating out reputation. He wanted us to prove that we were the best at what we do.” She said. Ben snorted

“So you stole the _Hope Diamond_?” He said and Vanya shrugged

“Seemed like a big enough challenge.” She said and Klaus cut in

“The real challenge is to return it. Police are all over the museum, avoiding them is not going to be easy.” Klaus said. Diego rolled his eyes as a waitress brought them their food. He had a feeling Klaus was looking forward to the challenge.

 

Diego played with the cuffs of his tux while ben fixed his bow tie.

“What do you think Klaus is going to be wearing?” He asked and Ben snorted

“Your crush is showing.” Ben said softly. Diego fought down a blush. He knew nothing could come of the attraction, Klaus was a thief and Diego’s job was to catch bad guys. Still, Klaus was funny and always put fifty dollars in every single homeless person’s cup they passed. From the things Vanya had said when they were planning meetups, they both worked at the soup kitchen on forty third street every Saturday.

“You’re ready.” Ben said and Diego looked at himself in the mirror. He looked dashing and a little dangerous due to the scar across the side of his head.

“Alright. Let’s go check on everyone else.” He said striding out of Ben’s room. Ben trailed after him as they moved to check on Five. Five was sitting on his bed, scribbling in a book when they entered. He wasn’t wearing his jacket but it was laid out beside him on the bed

“You ready?” Diego asked. Five looked up and nodded

“Luther’s having issues finding his good shoes though.” Five said and Diego sighed.

“He left them in my room when the four of us were polishing them last night. I’ll bring them to him.” He said before ducking into his room to grab the shoes. He headed to Luther’s room and pushed the door open to find Luther on his knees looking under his bed

“Here’s your shoes, fearless leader.” Diego said holding them out. Luther scrambled off his knees and took them with a grateful look

“Thanks. Didn’t have a clue where they had gone.” Luther said pulling them on and lacing them up. Diego rolled his eyes and went to check on Allison. She was finishing up her makeup and turned to look at him

“How do I look?” She asked and Diego smiled

“You look good. You should wear makeup more often. The silver eyeliner make your eyes pop.” He said and she looked relieved. It occured to Diego that he was more like a parent to everyone. Keeping them safe and everyone in line.

“Children! Your father is waiting for you in the foyer.” Mom called from the mouth of the hall. Diego held his hand for Allison to take. She looked stunning, her dress was a silver mermaid dress with a drop back and a small train.

“Let’s not keep Father waiting.” Diego said as she took his hand and slowly stood.

“That would be a shame.” She said rolling her eyes. His smile grew and they joined their siblings in the hall. Their father was already waiting in the limo and they all climbed in carefully.

“Behave yourselves tonight.” He said shortly and Diego met each of his siblings’ eyes to make sure they knew he would take care of them.

 

Klaus looked at himself in the mirror. The silver vest contrasted his black jacket nicely.

“Klaus can you get the last few buttons?” Vanya asked and Klaus turned to see her wearing one of the traditional Chinese dresses that they had picked up when they had been on a job in Singapore. It was a rich navy blue color with a gold an silver Cheongsam dragons running along it. Her hair was in a braided bun and she was wearing a pair of drop pearl earrings.

“Of course, dear. Might I say you look stunning.” He said as he moved towards her. She smiled before turning so he could do up the last of the little buttons.

“You look very handsome too. Be careful or someone might think you’re straight and try and hook you up with their daughter.” She teased. He snorted

“Until I open my mouth and show how uncultured I am.” He said bitterly. Vanya turned and put a hand on his arm

“You are perfect just the way you are.” She said softly and he gave her a weak smile.

“Wanna go show these rich socialites how to party?” She asked and he nodded, straightening the silver necktie he was wearing.

“Let’s go.” He said. She grabbed a black clutch from the couch and he got the door for her. There was a black town car waiting for them at the entrance to the building and Klaus helped her in before climbing in himself.

“This will be just like any other party we’ve been to.” Vanya said applying a deep red lipstick using a compact mirror

“I know, watch what I say and be utterly charming.” He said and she smiled at him

“I trust you can keep yourself busy while I talk to our new client? The Umbrella Academy will be here so you will need to distract them.” She said and he nodded

“We shouldn’t act familiar with Diego or Ben. Don’t want to get them in any trouble.” He added as she checked her hair in the mirror

“I agree. We don’t need to tip the old man off about our friendship with the two of them.” She said shutting the mirror and tucking it into her clutch

“What else do you have in there?” Klaus asked, his curiosity getting the better of him

“Makeup, my ID, a taser and a switchblade. You?” She said and he cocked his head

“My ID, some money, a pair of brass knuckles, my own switchblade, my phone.” He said indicating to the pocked that each item was in. Vanya frowned

“I forgot my phone.” She muttered and he shook his head

“Pity. Now I can’t signal you when some rich hierest is driving me up the wall.” He said and she snorted

“I’ll keep you safe from the germs of desperate girls. Do you remember our cover story?” She asked and he sighed

“I’m the sole inheritor of a multi-billion dollar company and my father and step mother just passed away, car accident. I wasn’t very close to them but am very sad their dead. This is my first time on the social circuit as they were extremely private. You are my step sister but didn’t inherit anything because of your sexual leaning. Mother and father were terribly conservative, the dogs.We are extremely close.” He said. Vanya nodded.

“No doubt there will be people who ask more, simply excuse yourself and walk away. I’ll be dealing with the client, apparently he likes pretty women and the Curator things we can get a better deal from him for the painting if I’m the one doing the negotiations. He doesn’t know what we’re trying to sell him isn’t the real thing, his people have already took a look at it and authenticated it. Good job with the forgery, by the way. I’ll get the painting sold while you enjoy yourself, seem fair?” She said and he grinned at her langually

“Oh, definitely.” He said as they pulled up to the building and the car came to a stop. The doorman opened the door and Klaus climbed out. Vanya met him and they linked arms before heading towards the door. Inside the party was already in full swing and Klaus kissed Vanya on the cheek

“Go have some fun, sister dear.” He said before taking a champagne flute and going to socialize. He was listening to a old biddy go on about her granddaughter’s piano abilities when the first of the Umbrella Academy caught sight of him. Little Number Five. Klaus excused himself and went over to the buffet table. He set several cucumber sandwiches on his plate and went to find Vanya. She was talking to a man about their age who Klaus didn’t recognize

“Sister dear, here. You didn’t eat lunch and I know you must be famished.” He said passing over the sandwiches. Vanya gave him a grateful smile

“Klaus, this is Tyrone Rimmingway, he owns Rimmingway Imports. Tyrone this is my brother and partner, Klaus.” Vanya said with a smile

“Your job at the Met was fantastic, I helped get some of the pieces to their buyers. The Curator must have been so pleased with you two. I’m sure you two are busy but I’ve had my eye on a piece or two that you might be able to get.” Tyrone said lowly while holding his hand out for Klaus to shake. Klaus took it, studying the dark skinned man.

“We should talk more elsewhere. This isn’t really the place. I’ll give you my card through.” Klaus said pulling his cardholder out of his pocket and handing Tyrone a card. It had his work phone number on it. The man smiled

“Of course.” He said before nodding to them and walking away. Klaus leaned against a column.

“Five spotted me before I came over. I expect they are coming up with a game plan and will try and corner us.” He said softly. She nodded, slowly eating her sandwiches.

“We should stick together until my meeting. Always more intimidating to corner two people than one.” She said. Klaus shook his head

“We should split up. Harder to keep track of two people who don’t want to be caught.” He said and she nodded.

“I’ll see you later then.” She said and he pressed a light kiss to her ear.

“Love you sis.” He said before heading into the crowd.

“Mr. Carmichael!” A old man said, a girl who looked to be about fifteen with him

“Ah, hello.” Klaus said stopping

“Mr. Carmichael, it is a pleasure to meet you. I’m so sorry about your parents, may their souls rest in peace. My name is Henry Abbott, this is my daughter Emma Abbott.” The man said and Klaus held out his hand for the man to shake

“I’m Klaus Carmichael, as you knew already. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for your condolences.” He said. The man gave him a firm handshake

“If you two will excuse me, I see Edward Wynn and I must tell him about the fish I caught on my last trip.” The man said before leaving Klaus with the girl. She smiled at him with fake shyness

“He goes blackwater fishing or something. What do you enjoy?” She asked and Klaus smiled at her

“I like to paint. It relaxes me.” He said offering her his arm. She took it and they slowly started walking

“Oh? What do you like to paint?” She asked and he forced himself to pause and think about it

“Well I used to like to paint scenery but when my father and stepmother died I switched to portraits. I realized I might not have much time with my sister so I paint her quite often. I paint my parents too sometimes but it’s harder, my birth mother died when I was so young. I miss her so much.” He said and Emma nodded

“I’m sure it’s very hard. I lost my mother when I was six. She died of cancer. My father remarried almost immediately and my step mother became like my real mother.” She said. Klaus nodded. He was saved from anymore mundane chitchat by two of the Umbrella Academy showing up

“Excuse us, we need to have a word with Klaus here.” Diego said with a tight smile. Klaus turned to Emma and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

“It seems I’m needed elsewhere.” He said and she blushed

“O-of course.” She stammered before hurrying off. Klaus turned back to Diego and the giant, Luther.

“Shall we take this to a more private location? The edge of the hall?” He asked before turning and leading the two of them over to a empty patch of wall. He leaned on the wall and crossed his arms across his chest

“What can I do for you gentlemen?” He asked and Luther frowned

“What are you doing here?” Diego asked even though he knew Klaus was going to be here. Klaus gave them a grin

“Well, we were invited so we figured we’d show up and eat some free food. Drink some champagne. Socialize.” He said cockily. Luther took a step forward but Diego grabbed his arm

“You’re up to something.” Luther said and Klaus sighed

“We are not stealing anything tonight. Promise. Or patron wants us to socialize with these floozies. Don’t have a clue why though. Not like any of them have anything in common with me.” He said sourly. Luther seemed taken aback by his tone

“You don’t like parties?” Luther said, sounding uncomfortable. Klaus scoffed

“This is not a party. This is a torture session dressed up as a party.” He said leaning past Diego to grab a champagne flute off a tray that was going by.

“What’s your idea of a party?” Diego asked and Klaus took a careful sip of his drink. He caught his sister’s eye and she started to make her way over.

“Hm? My idea of a party? Well it would require much less clothes. Heavy bass music that one can actually dance to not just this sway in a circle shit. There would be lots of hard alcohol too. One would have to take a cab home because there would be no way to walk or drive home.” Klaus said with a smile. Diego blinked at him, obviously shocked

“That’s a rave, Klaus.” Vanya said, brushing past Diego to join her brother against the wall. She must have just come back from the meeting because she seemed to have some weight lifted from her shoulders.

“Ah, but it’s still a party.” He said before downing the rest of his champagne. Vanya sighed

“Where were you raised. A barn?” She asked teasingly as the rest of the Academy joined them. Klaus grinned at her

“Nope, try the loony bin.” He shot back. She snorted and chuckled

“Seriously, guys. We’re not here for any trouble. Hell, we’ll be leaving soon. I promised a friend I’d go see his gig later.” Klaus said crossing his arms across his chest. The girl, Allison frowned

“What were you doing with Mr. Rathaway?” She asked Vanya and, to her credit, Vanya didn’t stutter despite being caught off guard

“He said he wanted to show me something but then tried to grope me. I pushed him away and threatened him with my taser.” She lied. Allison’s facial features darkened at Vanya’s words. Klaus thought she might not be buying the story but she simply stepped forward and pulled Vanya into a hug.

“He tried the same thing with her at our first gala. We were fourteen.” Diego said softly and Klaus suddenly felt murderous.

“Klaus, will you get me some of those ganache cakes?” Vanya asked and Klaus realized he had slipped his brass knuckles on without realizing it. He forced a smile on his face and slid he knuckles back into his pocket.

“Raspberries or strawberries?” He asked

“Raspberries please.” She said. Klaus nodded and brushed past Luther and Allison to collect the requested treats. He grabbed a separate plate for himself, putting several cheesecake squares on his own plate as well as several of the candied cherries. Once he had the sweets he returned to find Vanya holding two flutes of champagne. They traded items and Klaus slowly sipped his champagne.

“I miss Europe’s drinking laws.” He mused and Vanya snorted before coughing. He grinned and she shot him a dirty look

“What do you mean?” Luther asked and Klaus let out a dramatic sigh

“In Germany where I grew up _everyone_ drank as soon as you were able to look over the bar. They had amazing beer too.” He said, thinking about the beer he had gotten there.

“I definitely can imagine you drinking.” Allison said, taking a sip of her own champagne flute

“Hey. I never drank alone and Vanya is a much more interesting drunk. One time she made a bet with a guy that she could beat him in an arm wrestling contest which she lost and thus had to take off her shirt for the rest of the night. It was like twenty degrees out but she rode the bike home without a shirt on. She was _so_ drunk.” Klaus said and Vanya blushed.

“Please tell me he’s exaggerating.” Ben said sounding overwhelmed and embarrassed. Vanya grinned behind her champagne flute

“It’s a true story. Woke up the next morning without a hangover too.” She teased and Klaus rolled his eyes

“You’re Russian. You folk never get hangovers.” He bemoaned in a playful tone. Everyone was grinning and he sighed.

“You know, this has been fun. I almost think you guys are actually human.” Klaus said before brushing past the group and heading back into the fray. He knew the last remark was harsh but he had to remind himself that they were on opposite sides of the law. His phone rang and he pulled it out to see a familiar number. Stepping outside he answered it

“Hallo, das ist Klaus.” He said.

“Hallo Klaus. Wie ist die Versammlung?” The Curator asked and Klaus chuckled

“Langweilig wie immer. Was brauchst du?”

“The client has transferred the money. His painting will be delivered tomorrow. There is a new job waiting, from Mr. Rimmingway. the details of the job will be delivered by the time you return, just make sure your passport is up to date.” The Curator said switching to English.

“Understood sir. Thank you.” He said before the line went dead. Klaus tilted his head back and let out a long sigh. The jobs never stopped rolling in. He vaguely wondered where they were headed. Could be anywhere really but Klaus had a feeling this wouldn’t be a quick trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Don't forget to comment and kudo!  
> Translations are:   
>  Hallo, das ist Klaus - Hello, this is Klaus  
>  Hallo Klaus. Wie ist die Versammlung? - Hello Klaus. How was the meeting?  
>  Langweilig wie immer. Was brauchst du? - Boring like always. What do you need?


	4. Mama I'm in love with a criminal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was actually done last week ago but I forgot to post it. Sorry guys

Diego hadn’t seen Klaus or Vanya in over a month so it wasn’t a surprise that the next time they saw them it was during a heist. Diego immediately took off after Klaus, tackling him to the ground. Klaus kicked him off and scrambled to his feet, darting off further into the gallery. Diego knew he was trapped though, this place only had one exit and Ben was currently guarding it. When Diego finally found Klaus he was trying to pry a window open.

“Just come quietly.” Diego said. There was a look in Klaus’ eye that Diego hadn’t seen before, a wildness and desperation that he couldn’t quite grasp. 

“Fuck off.” Klaus snapped before pulling some sort of device out of his pocket and pressing it against the glass. The window shattered, alarms started screaming, and Klaus jumped out the window. Diego let him go with a sigh

“Any sign of the other one?” He asked into his comm. 

“Negative.” Five said

“No.” Allison replied

“Haven’t seen anyone.” Ben said sounding worried

“I don’t think she’s here.” Luther said. It wasn’t a large gallery so they were able to search it quickly. Vanya wasn’t anywhere in the gallery which meant Klaus had been doing this job on his own. Diego followed his siblings out of the gallery and into the car mulling over what that could mean. Once he was alone in his room he pulled his phone out and pulled up Klaus’ contact. His thumb hovered over the call button before he called it. It rang twice before someone answered

“Hello?” Klaus sounded tired

“Hey, I was worried.” Diego said softly so he wouldn’t be overheard

“I’m fine. Got away with one painting so not a total loss.” Klaus said. Diego felt his lips curl into a soft smile

“Where was Vanya?” He asked, climbing out of his bed and heading over to the window

“She’s injured. Gunshot wound. Happened on a job outside the country. She’s, uh, she’s still in Italy. Hasn’t woken up.” Klaus said his voice cracking and rough and Diego realized he was fighting back tears

“We should meet up. I’m worried about you.” Diego said and Klaus let out a soft, choked sob. 

“Yeah, the park?” He asked, his voice thick with relief. 

“I’ll see you in ten.” Diego said and the line went dead. Diego switched out of his uniform and into civilian clothes. He tucked his phone into the pocket of his leather jacket and crept down the hall. 

Allison was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs

“Where are you going?” She asked in a hiss. She was going to get him caught. If Dad caught them outside the dorms there would be hell to pay. Diego shot her a withering glare, hoping to scare her back upstairs. It didn’t work, she merely crossed her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow

“We aren’t supposed to sneak out after a mission. Where are you going?” She asked again, her voice slightly louder. Diego knew he needed to leave before someone stumbled upon them

“None of your business.” He hissed, pushing past her. She followed but he didn’t have time to care, Klaus was in a delicate place and he needed to make sure his friend was really okay. 

They were the first ones to the park, Diego had expected that, Klaus and Vanya lived somewhere in lower Manhattan while the park and the Academy were further north. It would take Klaus longer to get through the traffic because he often took a taxi when they met up at the park. Said it was easier though Diego wasn’t sure about that. 

“What are we doing here?” Allison asked. She was still in her uniform but had unzipped the jacket and lost her mask so Diego didn’t think she would draw too much attention to them. Reporters always seemed to hang around the area after they had a mission and Diego really didn’t want to run into any of them. 

“None of your business. Go back to the Academy.” Diego said, his voice sharp enough to cut diamonds. She was putting both of them in danger of being recognized and Klaus in danger of being arrested. Allison pulled away from him, looking at him like she had never seen him before. He had never used that tone on her before, mostly saving it for Luther when he was doing something stupid. He pushed past her to get a better view of the road.

“I want to know why you and Ben keep going out on your own. You think you’re being sneaky but you’re not, even Luther’s noticed.” Allison said with a huff. Terror seized Diego and he spun to face her

“Has he told Dad?” He asked, the urgency in his voice must have startled her further

“No! He was going to but I convinced him not to. You two always seem happier when you come back.” She said and Diego deflated. He settled onto one of the swings and slowly swung as they waited. A yellow taxi pulled up three minutes later and a sole figure climbed out. Diego rose to his feet when the figure got closer. Allison gasped when she recognized Klaus but the curly haired boy ignored her in favor of Diego wrapping him in a hug. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Diego murmured, rocking Klaus gently. Klaus was crying, clinging to Diego like the taller boy was the only thing keeping him on his feet. 

“I was so scared. We’ve got some drug lord after us because we stole from him. I donno. From what I’ve been able to piece together we stole something from his home in Morocco but his main base of operations is in South America. We walked right into a trap.” Klaus said and Diego nudged him over to one of he swings so he could sit down. 

“It’s going to be okay, Vanya is strong. She’ll pull through.” He assured. Klaus let out a hiccup and nodded

“Yeah, it’s just hard to work on my own. She’s always been with me. Keeping me sane.” He said wiping his eyes.

“What happened to Vanya?” Allison asked sounding worried and Klaus jumped like he just realized she was there

“She got shot.” He said softly. Allison’s eyes grew wide, her hand coming up to cover her mouth in horror and shock

“Is she okay?” She asked softly and Klaus shrugged

“She’s in a medically induced coma. Had to get a new liver.” Klaus said picking at his fingers. He wouldn’t look at them and Diego knew he was probably uncomfortable with Allison there.

“Let’s go get some coffee.” Diego said taking Klaus’ hand. Klaus nodded

“Alright.” He mumbled and let Diego lead him towards the street. The coffee place they liked to go to was a small chain called Mainstream Caffeine and it was several blocks away. They walked in silence, Diego and Klaus in the front and Allison behind them. Diego, being the gentlemen he was, held the door open for them to enter. Inside was decorated in deep shades of browns, blues, and greens with an occasional red thrown in. The guy working the counter didn’t seem fazed by three teens entering his shop at ten at night.

“What can I get you?” He asked and Diego stepped forward

“Large black coffee and a blueberry muffin.” He said then stepped aside so Allison could order. She order a mocha frap and then Klaus stepped forward

“Large chai tea and a chocolate chip muffin.” He said pulling out his wallet. Allison seemed confused when Klaus paid but didn’t say anything as they went to go sit down. Diego curled up on a couch with Klaus beside him, tucked into his side and Allison took the armchair across from them

“What is going on?” Allison asked and Klaus looked at Diego, worry and uncertainty in his eyes. Diego gave him a smile that was a gentle reminder that it was going to be okay

“Me and Ben have become friends with Klaus and Vanya. Happened soon after the first time we encountered them. When we sneak out we’re usually going to meet up with them.” Diego explained. Allison narrowed her eyes

“You could get in so much trouble, Diego. Dad’s been looking for a way to corner them, if he knew you were in contact.” She said, her voice full of concern. Diego shook his head

“It’s fine. We’re careful not to be tracked by him or anyone.” He said. Klaus shifted and he glanced down at the other boy

“You okay?” He asked as Klaus pulled out an unfamiliar phone. He held his fingers up to his lips before answering it

“Ciao, Klaus parla.” He said. There was a light voice on the other end of the line but Diego couldn’t make out any words. Klaus pulled a pen and a pad of paper out of his pocket and scribbled something down in code

“Inteso. Avrò il pacchetto pronto in pochi giorni. In caso di domande si prega di contattare l'ufficio principale.” He said before hanging up. Allison raised an eyebrow

“What’s the package?” She asked. Klaus eyed her in silence for a moment before shrugging

“Some Italian bonds. They’re going to a awful woman by the name of Isabella Facchini who wants them every few months. I have no idea what she does with them, their worth a ton of money each so it’s not like she can blow through that much cash in the time between orders.” He said sliding back into Diego side. Diego wrapped an arm around his waist without thinking about it as the man from the register brought them their order. Klaus picked at his muffin as silence descended on them. 

“I should go.” Klaus said when he was halfway done with his muffin. Diego let him stand

“You going to be okay on your own?” He asked worried. Klaus gave him a weak smile

“Yeah, it’s only for a little bit longer. Vanya will be fine soon.” He said and Diego watched him leave the shop. He sighed and drained his coffee

“You like him.” Allison said and he scoffed, trying to hide the color that was blooming across his cheeks

“He’s a friend. I don’t have a lot of those.” He said and she gave him a little nudge with her boot

“Don’t lie. It’s good to see you happy. God only knows you deserve it.” She said and he sighed

“He doesn’t feel the same. He’s got an unlimited pick of guys, there’s no way he’ll want someone as broken as me.” Diego said and Allison slid onto the couch beside him

“He does though. I think he likes you as much as you like him.” She said and Diego shook his head. 

“Just...just drop it for now. We should get back home. Don’t want Dad to realize we’re gone.” He said. The walk back to the Academy was silent and Diego walked his sister back to her room before ducking into his own. Ben was sitting on his bed and jumped up when he entered

“Where’d you go?” He asked and Diego pulled him into a hug

“I had to go check on Klaus. Vanya’s hurt and not even in the country.” He said and Ben sighed

“Why’d you take Allison with you?” He asked pulling away and Diego shrugged

“She followed me and I didn’t have time to argue with her. You know how stubborn she can get.” He said and Ben frowned

“How is Klaus?” He asked and Diego shook his head

“He’s hanging by a thread. He needs someone with him so he doesn’t self destruct.” He admitted. Ben let out a soft crooning noise 

“I’ll reach out in the morning and set something up for later this week. See if we can go see a movie or something.” Ben said as Diego flopped down beside him

“Cool. That new Avengers movie came out recently, the theaters shouldn’t be packed anymore so we should be able to get in easily.” Diego suggested and Ben slid to lay down beside him

“I’ll suggest it.” He said. They lay there quietly until Mom called them to go to bed and Ben was forced to go to his own room. Diego pulled out his phone and sent a goodnight text to Klaus. He was asleep when Klaus text him goodnight back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Ciao, Klaus parla - Hello, Klaus speaking  
> Inteso. Avrò il pacchetto pronto in pochi giorni. In caso di domande si prega di contattare l'ufficio principale. - Understood. I will have the package ready in a few days. In case of questions, please contact the main office.


	5. Trouble is my middle name but in the end I'm not too bad

Klaus watched the crew that he had been forced to work with carefully loaded the five foot statue of Ganesha, an Indian god. Klaus had a bag full of antique books slung across his shoulders. He didn’t trust these men who looked at him like he was a common twink who knew nothing. The Curator had told him he had to work with them though, they were the muscle for this job. 

“Meet me back at the warehouse, understood. Only when the statues are unloaded there will you get paid.” Klaus snapped before climbing onto his bike and making sure everyone had loaded up into the van. Once the van was gone he climbed back off the bike and into the large house again. He plugged a special flash drive into the owner of the house’s computer and glanced around nervously as it downloaded everything on the computer. Unplugging the drive once it was done he left and road down the street towards the warehouse. The men were already there, starting to unload the three statues from the U-haul they had rented. Klaus grabbed the duffle bag of money that the Curator had left for their payment and gave it to the leader of the men

“Pleasure doing business with you.” The man said and then they were gone. Klaus inspected the statues, making sure nothing had been damaged in the ride over. His phone rang and he answered it without thinking

“Hallo?” He said absentmindedly. 

“Klaus. I need help.” Diego’s voice said. He sounded ragged, like he had been running for a long time. Klaus froze

“What’s wrong?” He asked and there was a pause

“There was an accident at the Academy. I think Ben killed our father. We need somewhere to lay low.” Diego said and Klaus was automatically moving towards his bike

“Alright, go to the deli. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Who’s with you?” Klaus said flipping the phone call to his Bluetooth and tucking the actual phone into his bag.

“Everyone. I have everyone.” Diego said. Klaus grimaced. It would have been easier with just Diego, Ben and Allison. At least they were all in the know.

“Alright. I’ll be there soon. Stay calm. Order some food, eat slowly.” Klaus said roaring out of the warehouse. He drove to the penthouse and dropped his bike off in favor of taking a taxi to the deli. It took a half-an-hour to get there and he found Diego and his siblings stuffed into a corner booth. Ben was picking at a salad and Allison had a slice of cake in front of her but the rest of them were just nursing drinks. Diego must have been the one watching the door because he rose from his seat and met Klaus a few paces from the table

“Hey.” Klaus said and Diego gave him a tired grin that had Klaus pulling him in a quick hug.

“Hey. What now?” He asked when Klaus pulled away and Klaus shrugged

“We get you all somewhere safe. Lay low until we know what exactly is being said. Then we move from there.” Klaus said and Diego turned to the others. On some sort of unspoken cue, the group got up and Klaus led them to the street where he flagged down a large taxi.

“Where to?” The man asked and Klaus grinned

“The Ivy Tower.” He said hearing Allison choke at the location. The cab driver nodded and pulled into traffic. The ride was silent, Klaus could feel the tension in the air. No doubt everyone was worried about what was going to happen next, Klaus was a little worried about that too. He was taking these people, most of them still on semi-hostile terms with him and his sister, to his home. Or the closest thing he had to a home. The apartment was the main bolthole in the city, there were a few other places he could have taken them but the other places weren’t in the best of neighborhoods or in the best of conditions. He wanted to keep Ben safe if he had killed Reginald, there was no safer place then where he was taking them. 

“What’s in the bag?” Five asked breaking Klaus out of his thoughts and Klaus blinked and looked down

“Forgot I still had that on.” He muttered before shrugging off the confusion. He grabbed his phone and sent a text to Vanya that he was bringing company over. Usually that meant a hooker or two, usually male but sometimes female. He tucked his phone back into his pocket. 

Vanya had woken a few days after Klaus’ first solo heist where he had gone out to get coffee with Diego and Allison. She had been transferred back to the states a week after that and was slowly recovering in her room at their apartment. She’d be happy to see Diego and Ben, embarrassed that Allison would see her in such a vulnerable position and the rest Klaus didn’t think she’d care about. They pulled up to the building and Klaus made sure everyone was out of the cab before handing the driver two hundred dollar bills. 

“You never saw any of us, understood?” He said darkly and the man’s eyes widened. He nodded and Klaus gave him a wicked smile

“Good. Because I have a photographic memory and I know your face.” He said before sliding out of the cab. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and nodded to the doorman

“You have friends over today, Master Ambrosia.” Terry the doorman said with a grin. Klaus glanced at him

“There was a group rate. I figured V could use some cheering up.” Klaus said and Terry raised an eyebrow

“I see.” He said and Klaus chuckled

“Relax, I’m kidding. These are some coworkers. Stop being so serious.” Klaus said, a mischievous grin on his face. Terry shook his head

“You can never know with you Master Ambrosia. Your poker face is rather good.” Terry said and Klaus figured they’d done enough socializing on the doorstep. He led the others into the building and towards the elevator. The elevator required a key to access, a security feature Klaus liked, and another to get to the penthouse. Klaus pressed his key into the lock outside the elevator doors and they slid open. He followed the members of the Umbrella Academy into the elevator and slid the second key into the lock on the panel for the penthouse. The elevator started to move smoothly upwards and Klaus inspected his nails to avoid looking at anyone

“You live in the penthouse?” Luther choked and Klaus nodded

“It’s got an amazing view. The one way glass windows in my bedroom make every morning torture but every evening is worth it.” Klaus said with a quick grin at the giant. Since one needed a key to access the penthouse, it opened up right into their apartment not to far from the bedrooms. Vanya’s was to the right and his own was to the left

“I’m home!” He called leading the pack into the apartment and carefully setting his bag down beside the elevator. 

“Klaus?” The Curator’s voice asked from Vanya’s room and Klaus’ eyes went wide. He waved to Diego and pointed towards his bedroom door. Diego caught on immediately and pulled his family to the ajar door. Klaus slid into Vanya’s room and gave his sister and his employer a wide grin. 

The Curator was an older gentleman who gave off an deceiving grandfatherly air. He had no hair, his head as bald as an egg, and the wrinkles around his eyes made it seem like he was a kind soul. His dark blue eyes twinkled with merriment but Klaus knew they could go ice cold in seconds. He had seen the Curator kill a man for giving up the littlest piece of information on their organization.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” He said and the Curator nodded

“I decided to check on our Vanya’s health and keep her company while you worked tonight. From the footsteps I assume you brought someone home.” The Curator said and Klaus shrugged

“A pair of working boys. I wanted to unwind after having to deal with that insufferable crew.” Klaus said his voice going sharp and bitter about the crew he had to work with. The Curator nodded

“They were rather annoying but unfortunately were necessary. Without them we wouldn’t have been able to get into the Winslow residence.” He said. Klaus nodded

“Of course.” He said and the Curator stood from where he had sat on the edge of Vanya’s bed. He picked up his cane, something he didn’t actually need but it seemed to go with his frail image, and approached Klaus. 

“Enjoy your evening.” He said walking past Klaus and Klaus followed him to the door

“Goodnight sir.” He said watching as the doors to the elevator slid shut. He turned and slumped back against the doors

“Klaus?” Vanya called and Klaus made his way to her room again

“Yeah, sis?” He asked and she leveled him with a glare

“I thought I told you no more hookers while I was bedridden.” She said and Klaus shook his head

“I...there’s no hookers, sis. It’s Diego and his family.” He said and Vanya’s frown grew

“What happened?” She asked and he shrugged

“Don’t know much yet. The old man might be dead, Ben.” he said. They both knew the others were listening in, the apartment walls weren’t thick and Klaus’ door was still ajar. 

“You’re going to have to talk to Eddie then, get a in on the investigation.” She said and he nodded,

“Tomorrow. I’m exhausted. Want anything?” He asked and she pointed at her wheelchair. He moved into the room and drove it over to the side of the bed. She pushed the blankets off herself and he helped her into the chair. 

“Alright. Go get the others and the Chinese menu.” Vanya said and Klaus gave her a sloppy salute. He poked his head into his room to find the Umbrella Academy members all crowded around his paintings. 

“Whatcha’ looking at?” He asked stepping into the room. Diego showed him the painting they had been looking at. It was the Academy members as he had remembered them from Eveline Wang’s Christmas Gala. They were all grouped together under a spotlight and visible behind what seemed like a crowd

“Did you paint this?” Diego asked and Klaus shrugged

“I don’t just do forgeries. I do paint my own pieces.” He said, glad that he had tucked away the paintings of Diego that he had done. They were stored away in the spare room. 

“It’s good. How did you remember all the details?” Five asked and Klaus tapped his temple

“I have a really good memory.” He said and then jerked his thumb at the door “The lady of the house wishes for all of us to go to the living room.” he added and Diego set the painting down gently. Klaus made sure they hadn’t touched anything else before following them to the large living room. There wasn’t enough room on the couch so Klaus passed the menu to Vanya and went to go get the chairs from the kitchen bar. Diego was sitting in the middle of his siblings and they all seemed to lean in towards him. Allison was sitting on Diego’s left with Ben curled into him on his right. Luther was sitting beside Allison trying not to look like he was looking to Diego for comfort but the glances he sent towards Diego every few seconds gave him away. Five was the only one who wasn’t showing any large signs of being out of his comfort zone. His tell was much more subtle, Diego’s arms were thrown out along the back of the couch and his right hand was flicking back and forth along the hairline on the back of the teleporter’s neck. 

“Anyone want anything to drink? We’ve got Gatorade, sugar free fruit punch, sugar free lemonade, Sprite, milk, and water.” Klaus said 

“Water for me.” Allison said

“What kind of Gatorade?” Five asked, eyes narrowing. Klaus frowned, he usually didn’t drink the gatorades and so he didn’t remember what Vanya had ordered last time they went grocery shopping. He strode over to the pantry to check. 

“Yellow, red, and blue.” Klaus replied peering around the door at the group

“I’ll take lemonade.” Five said and Klaus rolled his eyes

“Give me two red Gatorade.” Diego said

“I’ll take a yellow Gatorade.” Luther said shifting in his seat as his eyes darted towards Klaus.

“Sprite for me.” Vanya said. Klaus brought Vanya, Luther, Diego, and Allison their drinks first since they were all bottled. He pulled a tumbler out of the cabinet and poured some lemonade for Five from the pitcher in the fridge and carried it over. Diego was coaxing a half catatonic Ben to drink from one of the bottles he’d asked for. 

“Wanna put him to bed? He can rest in my room.” Klaus said and Diego nodded. The group parted so he could get up and help Ben up. Klaus led him back into his room and pulled the sheets back so Ben could lay down. Once Ben was laying and they had shut the door Klaus grabbed Diego’s arm and stopped him from going back to the living room right away

“How bad was it?” He asked. Diego grimaced

“How much do you know about Ben’s power?” He asked and Klaus shrugged

“Not much. Only what the media says and what little he’s let slip.” Klaus replied. Diego ran his fingers through his already messy hair

“He can converse with the eldritch monsters, meld with them. It makes them less powerful when he melds with them but it also give him more control over them. Reginald was using a cattle prod to try and get him to do more while in control. His control was waning, the beasts were getting more agitated and angry. He lost control for a second and they threw our father across the room and through a wall. There was a crunch according to Ben.” Diego said. Klaus nodded

“Are you certain that Reginald is dead?” He asked and Diego shook his head. 

“I didn’t check, even if he isn’t the punishment Ben would get for such an offence...it would kill Ben. He would kill Ben We are never, ever to use our powers on our father.” Diego said and Klaus nodded.

“Alight. Thanks for telling me all this.” Klaus said and they made their way back to the living room.

“I ordered you shrimp fried rice.” Vanya said and Klaus nodded

“I’m going to call Target and have them deliver some air mattresses for everyone to sleep on.” Klaus said before stepping into the kitchen to place the call. When he returned he found Allison had switched seats with Luther and Five was now sitting between Luther and Diego. Allison and Vanya were talking softly about makeup and so Klaus pulled his laptop out of the brown ottoman they had bought to hide the electronics they weren’t supposed to have and flipped it open. He scanned the major news outlets but there wasn’t anything on them yet about anything. It was rather soon for them to have anything substantial anyway, he’d mainly been looking to see if it had been breaking news. 

“Anything?” Diego asked and Klaus shook his head

“Not yet. I’ll keep an eye on things though.” He assured before pulling his flash drive out of his pocket. He plugged it in and started going through the files. Most was useless obviously legitimate paperwork for the man’s company. The Winslows ran a large import export company that had branches all over the world. They seemed legit on the surface and Klaus was sure that most of what they moved was the real deal. They also ran a shader side of the company, moving people and weapons from country to country without anyone knowing. Klaus was trying to track a particular man that they had brought from Italy to America in the past two weeks. A hitman named Ivan Petrov who worked for Antoni Castillo and was responsible for the hole in Vanya. He hadn’t wanted to tell Diego about the man, worried that Diego would think it was a good idea to go after the man on his own. He only hoped that everything with the Academy blew over quickly because the longer that Diego and his siblings were here the higher the chances of them becoming collateral.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to kudo and comment, subscribe if you want to keep track of this story, bookmark if you want to be able to find it easily and then go check out the rest of the fandom because there are a lot of awesome stories out there!


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